The Conservative Party conference rolls into town today, and we’ll be there to meet it. The Conservative Party has always been a party of privilege – of economic dominance by the few over the many; Margaret Thatcher pushed the ideology of individualism to its logical conclusion and drove a stake into the heart of society.
We’re here to say: there is such a thing as society; the world is for turning…
Image: Pierce Penniless
ism(isn’t) by Niall McDevitt
pitts clampdown. thatchers detach. edens evict. pitts execute, pitilessly. edens
execute, edenically. they have executive power, they have executioner’s masks
and hatchets. clarkes cluck, clarkes gobble, clarkes listen to jazz of oppressed
classes and races. clarkes snort, clarkes grunt, clarkes liquidate with ’benefit
of clergy’. clarkes pirouette, clarkes harrumph, clarkes disparage ‘human rights’.
cecils brylcreme™ their quiffs. hurds moo. tebbits explode. foxes run. foxes
run charities for rich Americans in need. foxes hunt. things change. foxes react.
things change. thatchers react. foxes apologise. thatchers don’t. edens evict from
eden. porters socialise, porters clean, porters clean toilets, porters clean portaloos.
porters, thatchers also suffer. porters port, thatchers thatch. thatchers milksnatch,
thatchers semi-detach. camerons milksnatch, camerons fully detach. porters
gerrymander and embezzle, embezzle and gerrymander. porters abscond to the
holy land. michael howards choose ‘everything I do’ on desert island discs.
michael howards dedicate ‘everything I do’ to mrs. michael howards. michaels
bill and coo. everything they do, they do it for us. ids dribbles. ids pisses. ids
suffers from irritable bowel syndrome. ids has ibs. which is worse? ids or ibs?
if ids suffers from ibs, does ibs suffer from ids? tories suffer. tories defecate,
tories desecrate. ids calculates how to be less beneficial. hagues drawl comp-
lacently, reassuringly. hagues have voice training to sound less smug. but it
doesn’t work. hagues sound more smug. hagues suffer. hagues are ‘charismatic-
ally challenged’. churchills slurp. thatchers rigidify. thatchers kill northern irish,
kill argentinians. churchills sniff. pitts emit. borises bluster. borises blub. borises
bikeses are brought to you by barclayses bankses. freudses **** their motherses.
dimblebys do not disapprove. dimblebys drool, dimblebys dribble, dimblebys
lick, dimblebys spittle. churchills snuffle. dimblebys do not disapprove. michael
howardses prefer bryan adamses to gerry adamses. tebbits explode. imagine a
punk band called ‘the exploding tebbits’. widdecombes waggledance. tories
prefer the adams family to gerry adams. (torieses are the adamses.) churchills
burp. dimblebys do not disapprove. porter is, thatcher is, ids is. ids is and ids
isn’t. mays scare, mays scarify, mays are much scarier than muslims with hooks.
clarkes listen to more jazzes of more oppressed classes and races. ‘wow man
that’s feral!’ porters inherit more tescos. thatchers wither. the withering away
of the thatchers. thatcher is and isn’t. there is no such thing as
(Note: the only reason this strained elegy is in such bad taste is so that Conservatives can understand it)
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